Frost

You know that feeling you get when your child is sure she's ready for something and you're sure you're not ready for her to be ready?  I'm struggling with that now.

My daughter has a scouting trip coming up, and my heart and my mind are in conflict on this one.  My brain is okay.  I trust the troop leader to keep her safe.  I trust my daughter to behave reasonably well and follow instructions.  I even trust the other parents to safely drive her there and back.  But my heart, well, that's another story.  Will she be able to sleep at night so far from home?  Will she have a meltdown?  Will she scare herself silly riding a roller coaster that's too intense?  Will the bigger girls treat her nicely?  Will she be kind to all the others, even if they have a moment or two themselves?  Will the other drivers on the road be as safe as I want them to be when they are near my child?  And if I decide she's too young to go, will I be doing it for her good or my fear?

We've had an unusually warm and early spring.  Everything is blooming.  I was sorely tempted to set out my seedlings early.  I have learned from past mistakes and held myself in.  I saw many novice gardeners at the home improvement store last weekend though.  They had carts of annuals and bags of dirt and were talking happily about how nice the colors were and how it was a perfect day to be outside.  I winced inwardly on their behalf.

Tonight there is a frost warning.  The weather was mild and sunny all day.  Clear skies - perfect for letting all the heat escape.  I hope we don't get a frost.  I hope the plants that would be affected have had enough time to grow strong enough to get through the night.  I hope the sheets I spread out will protect the littlest ones.

But ultimately, this is out of my control.  And so is my daughter's welfare on this trip.  I can do everything in my power to make sure she's protected and ready for the trip, but there are things I just can't control.  This is very hard for a mommy.  I'm a novice parent.  Am I setting out my little seedling too early?  There are no "last-frost" dates safety-pinned to the blanket when you take your baby home from the hospital.  Parenting books and almanacs will give you averages, but there are no guarantees.

So, what can I do?  I'm going to have to trust her heavenly Father to be in charge of this and make all things work for good.  In my brain, I know without a doubt that God's hands are the very best place for her to be. In my heart, I ache to hold her tight and beg God to keep us both safe and together forever.  But that's not what parenting is about.  Is it?  And it's not what trusting Him is about either.

My prayer:  Almighty Father, how you must know my angst.  You sent your Son to earth for me, knowing what He would face.  You loved me that much - surely you understand how much I love my child.  How can I not trust you completely with my child's welfare?  Please keep her safe from all harm - physical, emotional, spiritual.  Hold her in your arms and bring her home full of stories and joy.  And give me grace and strength to do my job as a mother.  Help me to let go when I need to, and to equip her to be the strong, courageous, God-fearing, lovely young lady You have made her to be.  And please help me to not worry about her, but guide me to the right decision and let me feel peace with it.

Weeds - the first of what will probably be many diatribes about these scourges!

Weeds love my garden.  All that nice, fertile, tilled soil?  It's Hawaii for chickweed.

We're having an early spring this year and the weeds got the jump on me.  As I spent hours this week pulling weeds from the garden beds (and I'm not done yet!) I reflected on their amazing speed of growth and spread.  Weeds grow like bad habits.

Good habits are like orchids.  You have to really want to make them grow.  If you're not committed they aren't going to go anywhere.  Good habits have to be nurtured, tended daily, and lavished with love and the special kind of encouragement and positive growing environments we save for our children and expensive varietals (by the way, as a disclaimer I have to admit that since I'm a parent more than I'm a gardener, I don't do houseplants.  But my Mom is an expert at both and has beautiful orchids and lush plants all over her house, now that we're all grown up and moved out and she has more time for tending.)

But today's diatribe is on weeds.  Weeds and bad habits.  Why are they both so easy to grow?  All you have to do is neglect them, and they start sneaking in.  You'll spot a tiny sprout and not take the time to pull it out right away, then within days it's tripled in size and is setting up a family reunion right next to your favorite tulip.  

It's just that fast with bad habits too - at least for me.  If I don't yank it out the minute I spot one, before you know it the bad habit will be part of my daily routine, and a couple others will have cropped up alongside it.  The classic example for me is the coffee stop on the way to work.  First it will be a gas stop.  Then the poster over the gas pump will lure me in for a cup of steaming hot coffee.  Then a few days later, I won't have made coffee at home, and the memory of that cup will lure me back.  But there will be no need for gas that day, and maybe a little something gets added to my breakfast.  Before you know it, it will be a daily coffee and breakfast sandwich stop, wasting money, time, and calories on something I can do better, faster, and cheaper at home.  Until something makes me stop and look at what I'm doing.  Then I have to yank that habit out by the roots and go cold turkey while I nurture the home breakfast habit again.

So, after hours and hours spent on my knees pulling out weeds, I spotted a coupon for a weed preventer designed for flower gardens and decided to check it out.  Reading the label at the store I was disappointed to see that it would only prevent new weeds, not kill off the existing ones.  I still had to invest the time and effort to get rid of what was already there, but at least there was hope that once I got the garden weed free, it might stay that way for a while without daily patrolling.

And here's the really great news!  There's a preventer for bad habits that will also help you get rid of the existing ones!  And, it's free and has absolutely no risk of unpleasant side effects!  What is this miracle?  Prayer.  Time on your knees telling your Savior about your weaknesses, repenting your sins and asking for His strength to overcome them.  100% satisfaction guaranteed, although the results you get are usually far different and better than what you imagined.

My prayer:  Father, you made me and planned every one of my days.  You know my weaknesses and where I stumble.  Please Father, forgive my sins.  Guide me and strengthen me.  Help me to rid myself of this baggage that is keeping me from being the woman You made me to be.  Only by Your strength and grace can I be strong enough and disciplined enough to do this, but in You, all things are possible.  I lean on you Lord, and I know that You are all I need.

Pruning

I have to confess - I'm not the world's greatest gardener.  I like to garden.  I find a lot of peace in the garden.  I spend plenty of money and time on my garden.  But I'm far far far from being a master gardener.

This weekend I decided to tackle my very overgrown climbing roses.  I planted these guys about 6 years ago and had been putting off pruning them, in part because I was afraid I would mess it up and kill the plant, and in part because I didn't relish the thought of the scratches all over my arms and legs.  However, last fall I realized that the plants weren't blooming like they should, and that guests were in danger of getting scratched or eaten alive by the plants growing up and over the rail of my deck.  So, this winter I researched how to prune a climbing rose and mentally prepared myself for the task.

It wasn't pretty or easy, but it got done.  As I was wrestling with a particularly stubborn branch, I started to think about how much better the plant would be for the pruning, but how it couldn't understand and fought me on every snip of the clippers.  How many times have I done the same thing to God?  How often has my Father lovingly snipped away sinfulness and harmful behaviors, only to have me cling tenaciously and fight Him every step of the way?  The bundle of dead branches I cut was a speck compared to the forest of death God has removed from me.  And afterwards, I always grew and bloomed, so much better and healthier for the effort He spent on me.

My prayer:  Father, as you continue to shape me and help me grow into the woman You plan for me to be, teach me to accept your discipline and correction with a joyful and thankful heart.  Give me strength and self-discipline sufficient to any task You ask of me, and set my feet on the path of righteousness whenever I stray.  Thank you so much for Your patience and love for me!